So lately I love the movie Up and I’m intrigued by the story of the Polar Express, but if there is one movie that currently sums up CHILDLIKE to me, it would have to be Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium. Line after line after fresh-breath-to-my-soul line. If you’ve seen it, the scene where they dance on the poppy-plastic, that puts tears in my eyes every single time.
So I could write blog post after blog post about lines from this movie, and maybe I will, but I watched the first half of this movie again tonite, and was taken by the part about the “just man.”
Mahoney, Natalie Portman, says to Jason Bateman’s character, that he is a “just man.” She says this because Jason doesn’t believe the toy store is “magical.” Maybe very very cool, but certainly not magical. Afterall it’s “just” a toy store.
I’ll let you in a on a little secret. For as much as I pour out my soul on my blog, there is a lot I don’t share. A lot of thoughts that rattle around in my brain just aren’t a complete enough thought to share yet, or they seem so crazy and far-fetched I need to figure out if I’m even okay with living them. You are probably much the same way. At least I hope you are. Dreaming things, hoping things, wishing for things so deep down inside you that you wonder sometimes, am I even normal?
I have this feeling (and a secret hope) that this is going to be a crazy year. A year where many of those thoughts are going to start getting fleshed out in my head, poured out into my journal and then tested to see if I actually have the guts to share them, or the even harder part, LIVE THEM.
I believe in magical moments that take my breath away. I believe that they are possible even within our messy lives, hence the name of my blog. A beautiful piece of art can be painted even in the messiest of circumstances. I believe and yet, I’ve met a lot of “just men” in my lifetime of 31 years. In fact, I sometimes think I’m outnumbered. Look around as you’re out among people. I mean really, at face value, are there many people who actually physically look like they have a sparkle, a hint that something greater is trying to get out? I certainly don’t have that appearance half the time, though I long for it.
I have my “just-man” moments too, usually when I have surrounded myself with other “just men.” I’ll go to them and ask advice when I’ve thought it wise to get a taste of reality so I could stop foolishly floating off with my head in the clouds. And then I get depressed. I just want to give up. I feel myself deflate, like a worn out balloon. I think, “It’s too bad. It’s just life afterall. Just boring, mundane, messy life.”
But you want to know what sets me straight every time? It’s when I get a taste of God. When I see the remnants of His paint on some distant escaping sunset. It’s when I cuddle up with my kids by the warm glow of Christmas lights magically lighting up their bunk beds. It’s when I read a sentence in a book or hear a measure of music that is orchestrated in just the right order to wake my heart back up. It’s when I read Galatians and am brought to tears by the lavishness God longs to pour out on us. The big, amazing things he is beckoning us into. There are not enough “just men” in this world to drown out God when He gets a hold of my senses. I am lured, I am stirred, I am wooed, I am invited, I am anticipating, I am alive.
When the “just man” is in your own head or when you have encountered him in your life, run back to God and ask Him for a reminder. Wake me up Papa. Send me music. Send me a story. Send me your words. Send me a friend, a photo, a mountain peak, a child’s laugh. Give me something to remind me this is more than “just” life. This is life, to the fullest.
So back to those secret thoughts rattling around in our head, that are simply too crazy and childlike and big and magical to ever be more than “just thoughts.” Could it be that He has planted them there, hoping we will have enough faith to actually believe and do something with them?
God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. Ephesians 3:20-21
Today, I’m excited about…
- Books that are shipping from Amazon to use in homeschooling.
- Chilly weather outside and no reason to leave the warm, cozy house.
- A tiny little purse I made last night.
- Cheerios and bananas.
- Hot chocolate and marshmallows. (Thank you to the the secret admirer who left them on our porch recently.)
- Learning to play Mahoney’s song from Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium on the keyboard.
- Reading with my kids.
- Using red pen to edit my book.
- Writing letters.
- Making dream lists.
Today, Nehemiah is excited about…
- Eating food.
- Coloring pictures with mama.
- Wearing my superman cape.
Today, Charis is excited about…
- Drawing with my family.
- Hugging each other.
- Coloring with markers.
Today, Zoe is excited about…
- Painting a picture.
- Being with Daddy.
- Taking pictures with the camera.
Your turn. Finish this sentence: Today, I’m excited about…
Several, if not all, the staff members at LifeChurch are fasting from something this month. While I do not feel it necessary to fast, since Tony is on staff there and I’m not, I have however decided to fast from something…media.
I’ve been journaling a lot about the overwhelming feeling I get as I interact with media. This does not include TV because rarely watch TV as it is. What it does include is social media, blogs and books.
I am not cutting all of these things out of my life completely. I have set up my own guidelines based on what I feel I’m addicted to or what I feel is making me overwhelmed, and I plan to stick to those for at least the month of January. Twitter and Facebook Apps have been removed from my phone. This is largely where I interact with them anyway. I don’t plan on reading anyones updates (sorry my friends) and I only hope to post updates of my own that relate to my blog. I don’t plan on reading blogs unless someone has specifically asked me to check something out for a purpose. I don’t plan on reading non-fiction books (unless they are craft/art books).
Here’s why I am sharing all this…
Because I’ve been overwhelmed. Overwhelmed at seeing the countless updates from hundreds and hundreds of people, many of whom are my friends. Overwhelmed at seeing all the needs, all the hurt, all the causes I could support, all the things in the world to worry about, all the people in the world who need rescuing. I’m overwhelmed at non-fiction books that help me to be a better me. I’m overwhelmed by striving to BE IT ALL. I can’t be it all. I can’t meet everyone’s needs, heal everyone’s hurts or compare myself to everyone’s successes. I have allowed my life to get exceedingly noisy, and I’m struggling to hear my own little voice beneath it all. I feel like God is telling me, “Stop trying to save the world Mandy. I already sent a Savior. You don’t have to feel all this guilt and pressure to do it for me.” What if I could stop feeling like people from all over the world needed me. What if I could have the faith that who they really need is God and that He is actually big enough for them.
I feel like God is asking me, for a time, to make my world smaller. To not be aware of the details of EVERYONE’S lives. To not be aware of the one more thing I need to change in my own life so I can finally “arrive.” To stop looking to everyone else for what I need to be doing and listen to what my heart is telling me.
I think this is part of being CHILDLIKE. Children don’t have access to the thousands of voices we do as adults. They hear but a few. They are able to still hear their own. They don’t spend their time worrying about who they could be helping or who they should be living like. They just do their day and take each moment as it comes. Oh for that simplicity. Oh to not be “in the know.” I’m so tired of being “in the know.”
Maybe I’ll do something weird during this fast like write letters or read fiction or stop staring at my phone every time I get a spare minute. Maybe I’ll have phone conversations or visit in person with friends. Maybe I’ll stop being swallowed up by guilt. Maybe I’ll hear God’s voice more clearly. Maybe I’ll even hear my own.
I’ve picked the word CHILDLIKE to be the focus for my life in the year 2010.
Becoming CHILDLIKE to me means:
Believing life is good
Living uninhibited
Creating magical moments
Having little to no worries
Believing tomorrow holds endless possibilities
Believing in happy ever after endings
Innocence
Free-Spirited
Joyful
Excited
Hopeful Anticipation
Girlish (Boyish) Wonder
Not bound by the rules of how things should be
Believing in the midst of tough questions
Believing the world is exciting and adventurous
Wearing Rose-Colored Glasses
Playing Hard
Getting lost in the moments
Being real and candid
Why do I try so hard to be so adult? And who said being an adult means I need to kill off my passions, stop taking risky adventures, drown my joys in miserable suffering and replace my desires with shoulds?
The book that I wrote, and am soon jumping into editing, has a working title of Childlike.
A new collection that I designed for Scrap Girls is also named Childlike.
The freedom that I’ve been feeling in reading Galatians makes me feel CHILDLIKE.
My desire to read classical fiction novels again, as opposed to the non-fiction books I’ve been reading for so long, feels childlike.
It’s as if this word has been chasing me down and breathing life into me. I love it.
This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike “What’s next, Papa?” Romans 8:15 (The Message)
This is where I am at at the beginning of 2010. What’s next God? You’re FREEing me up to do things I so long to do, you’re reminding me I can be IMPERFECT in the process, and now you’re inviting me to become CHILDLIKE. It’s so exciting.
I think it might be a year of looking utterly ridiculous. I think it might be a year of drowning out nay-sayers and tuning into “my Papa’s” voice. I think it might be a year of letting go of some of my calculated drive and embracing the playful next steps God asks me to take, even if they seem useless and a waste of time. I think it might be a year of doing lots of little things I’ve never done before (or haven’t done in years) and thus learning to live a fuller, richer life. I think it might be a year of studying my own kids and learning from them. I think it might be a year to fall in love with magical stories. I think it might be a year of breaking down legalism and rules and shoulds and have-tos in my life and trading them all in for the adventure of a lifetime. The adventure God is calling me on. I would love to share the journey with you!
We are all born children. The trick is how to remain one. – Picasso
*more on this later.
I’m curious if any of you are picking a word for 2010? I started doing this 2 years ago and it has been an enlightening experience for me. I love seeing the thread of my word throughout the scope of an entire year, and I love all the learning and growing and focused intention that comes along with it.
2008 – Free
2009 – Imperfect
2010 – ?
I think I know what my word for 2010 is going to be, but I want to sleep on it and journal about it just one more day.
I’d love to hear if you are picking a word for your year. Let us know in the comments or share a link to your blog where you talk about the new word you are picking.
Here’s to an amazing new year for all of us and here’s to finding your word, a word that feeds your heart and frees your spirit.
We’re in the middle of a blizzard today. It’s been a day spent at home with good food and lots of laughter and cuddling, movie watching and story reading. We have a warm fire going and are about to open up one Christmas Eve gift and talk about Jesus’ birth. Then it’s to bed with our kiddios while Tony and I stay up wrapping presents and enjoying each other’s company.
(I’m using the gift tags I created for Scrap Girls for our presents this year!)
It’s been a sweet day. Hope your Christmas Eve was sweet as well!
Excited about Christmas!
The girls are both going to get one of these cute little guys for Christmas.
This little creation was drawn by Charis on a little index card. I was taken by him for some reason.
Maybe it was his cute little grey ears or his striped shirt or maybe it was the color scheme. I’m not sure. But when she drew it a few months ago, I set the picture aside knowing I had to revisit it at some point. And finally that some point has come. I’m excited to see what they’ll think of him. And I made them both one because invariably they fight over the stuffed animals I make for them, wishing they had the exact same one as their sister. Now, they’ll have twins.
Here’s my handmade Christmas present for Nehemiah. It’s a plushie based on a drawing of his. I seriously can’t tell you how much I love the imperfections of sewing with self-made patterns. I love it that these creations come out of my kids’ minds.
Speaking of my kids’ creative minds…I was just telling Tony the other night that as hard as it is to balance being an artist with being a mom, I’m realizing that my kids help make me the artist I am. Their creativity feeds into mine and mine feeds back into theirs. It’s a beautiful dance we do together and the outcome is far greater than anything we could do on our own.
I’m thankful for this season where I find crayon wrappers in all sorts of nooks and crannies of the house, where paper, pens, markers, scissors and gluesticks litter every inch of our tabletops, where splatters of paint dot the floors, where our coat closet doubles for an art closet that is stocked full and raided on a daily, if not an hourly basis, where colorful bits of scrap thread dot the carpet or stick to our clothes. Because in this imperfect life of raising little kids, I have become and am becoming the artist I always dreamed of being. And secretly, most days, I don’t want this season to end.
