Moms, are you more content when:
A) You know all you have to focus on is your kids & your home?
B) You have additional passion outside kids & home to focus on?
Why?
Free to embrace the Imperfect and call it an Art.
Free to embrace the Imperfect and call it an Art.
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Option A. Because I work full time outside the home and go to school part time to get my nursing degree. Makes it nice to focus on on just them for a while. Plus a lot of the time my kids crave that time with me.
I REALLY want to say “B” because my passion is what motivates me and brings a lot of clarity and peace. Being able to step away for a moment is always good.
HOWEVER, through much self reflection, prayer and ultimately surrender, I see that I am more content knowing that all I have to care for is my children and family. While I have many personal and creative pursuits, I am only totally at peace, when I have the freedom to care for them wholly. Perhaps because I know this role I have is for a season (albeit a LONG one!) or that when I care for their needs first, I will still somehow have time to fulfill a piece of my passion.
I have a bit of both worlds. It’s just a bit hard to explain or fully develop this answer…
Will definitely ponder this more…and I’m curious at the behind the scenes thinking that triggered this question!
Well, that depends… on how old is your child, in my opinion, the younger they are the more attention they need, so for me the first 4 years of my 2 daughters (now 5 and 15) all my attention was just for my kids and my home, now that my youngest one is 5 y. old, I added work and a hobby, at least trying to make time for art and scrapbooking. Now one of my ways of adding some attention to one of my passions (craft) while my kids were younger was making crafts with them
you can visit my blog to see what I mean 
I am an “older” mom, I am in my mid-forties, and have a six-year-old. I run our family business in our home so I can be with my younger daughter. I have to say, and I think it has to do with age and having raised another daughter who’s older, I need some “me time” once in a while.
I have to have time to create, think or read. This is the time I “recharge” myself…it makes me a better mother, wife and an all around more pleasant person. But, I also think it has a bit to do with temperment; I don’t mind my own company
Lisa
This is a loaded topic! Can I say option “C”? Following A when God is showing me that is to be the focus and following option B when God is showing me that is to be my focus? I can truly say that to be out of step with God – no matter if “I” choose option A or B – causes my holy discontent…to be true to my callings and passions that God has led me into requires that I seek Him continually, daily, and that I not assume that any “season” or “day” or “period of development in my children” or “my art” supersedes His desire to daily guide me…and this balance is not something one can achieve perfectly…only through much trial and error, as well as becoming comfortable with continuous “not knowing for sure”. A definition for serendipity is here: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/serendipity…quite intriguing…
Blessings,
Cindy
I meant to say that “perfection” is unattainable, but through trial and error (and embracing the imperfectness of that) a person can become accustomed to the challenge of the “tidal changes” that the Lord brings to us!
I always thought it was option B. Lately I’m learning it’s really option A. When I really spend time and focus on my family, my children, my home and give them the time and energy and use my creative talents and ways to bless my them and my home. I am very content, at peace and oh so happy, and so is everyone else. Ironically when I do this, God still gives me moments here and there to do other things that I am passionate about outside of home and family that are about me personally, and then I am even MORE creative in those areas and get even greater fulfillment.
But when I focus on option B, I am never content. I’m always frustrated, I’m always getting upset at my children easily over things that don’t matter. I tend to push them away. I’m unsettled, not at peace and ultimately find myself always wanting to take a break and running from my family to only get more of that passion that I’m pursuing. Never brings me peace to go against what God made me to be. Be a unique wonderful mother to my children, who need my specific gifts, talents and abilities to help them become what God needs them to be with they’re unique talents, gifts and abilities.
Thanks everyone for the input. Much to ponder here. To answer your question Melissa, I read the book “A Room of One’s Own” by Virginia Woolf and it stirred up this curiosity in me. I wanted to know how other mom’s feel about it. I’m realizing there can’t possibly be one right answer to this, but what a huge question that women have to wrestle with.
Being the fickle person that I am, I tend to want option A when I’m entrenched in a particularly grueling project with work, but then turn around and want option B when the kids are driving me crazy and I feel like I’m losing my identity as anything other than “Mom”. So, that doesn’t really help *and* it shows my weakness in this area of balancing things and loving where you are instead of where you’d rather be. Oh dear.
I read this sometime on Saturday and really had to think to figure out where I’m at on this….pair that with a busy weekend, and I’m just now getting a chance to respond :OP. I’ve determined that I am really most content when I’m doing A, although sometimes I’m called to B. I am most passionate about knowing and serving Christ, and there are times when He calls me to focus outside of my family/home in service to Him. There are seasons when He gives me rest, though, and allows my focus to go back to home/family. I feel like my other “passions” (running, teaching, etc) can easily be set aside with very little impact on the contentedness of my soul.
I hope you don’t mind, Mandy, I shared this on my blog. I loved reading the responses above and I’m curious to hear what others have to say. Such a good question to provoke some self-evaluation!
Wow! Mandy, this will be a tough answer! I found that when the kids were pre-schoolers, I did not want to focus on anything else. But, as the kids got older, I found it best for me to have other interests, friends that were further along the parent scale than I was. They gave me vision. I also, enjoyed friends that didn’t have any kids. I need to have my own outlets, passions, work. I liked that I worked part time and thankfully in our household, my DH was able to spend that one-on-one time with them while I wasn’t there. The kids will take every moment you have, it’s their nature. I’ve also found that if they had to fend for themselves in the minor stuff, this gave them more confidence in their abilities and has helped each one to be more independent. I am not a helicopter parent. My job is to give them wings to go after the life they were made for. I need to give them guidance, a belief in themselves and GOD. And the ability to trust in their ability to think for themselves.
So…for me….the answer is B. And now that my kids are a SR in High School and SR in College. I am finally coming into my own. I haven’t lost touch with what makes me happy. I like seeing them going after the things they want for themselves. I believe in them.
*After reading the answers others have submitted. I have to say, there was a time when the kids were in elementary-middle school and I WISHED I didn’t have to go to work (even though it was just part time). I didn’t want to be tired, I wanted to spend more time with them. But man, once they hit High School, they definitely didn’t want me around. I think we all have to find the answer for ourselves. The kids will respond accordingly. If I’m always complaining about working, then they’ll pick up that work is bad…..If I’m always complaining that I don’t have my own outlets, a job, then they’ll feel guilty for preventing me from doing those things. Bottom line, it’s the attitude we display day in and day out! Above all, listen to yourself, what is God prompting (he’s very creative and it could be a mixture of both) ?
For now, I am totally content being there for my kid and husband and home. I know that as my little guy grows older, I will naturally go back to some kind of creative pursuit also because he won’t need my focus so much. I think it’s very important to set that example of creating and working at something you love. For ow that is home creativity!
{ 1 trackback }