What If I Am Wrong? – Part 1

More than anything else, I’m afraid of being wrong. This explains my behavior that I’m working through – my tendency to people please, my hesitancy in making decisions, my shyness in sharing my voice and my opinions, my reluctance to commit to big dreams. This fear of being wrong has a hold on me. I’m so tired of being ready to move and then realizing there are still chains wrapped about my ankles.

One night in a truly desperate moment, two stories came to me. I want to share them with you because I was overwhelmed with the hope that flooded over me after studying these stories.

The first story is about a man who took a big risk.* He climbed over the edge of a boat and out onto the water and started walking. Walking right on top of the water! He risked being laughed at. He risked drowning. He risked being seen as full of himself.

I thought about some of my the risks facing me right now: Writing in such a way that my voice is confident and driven, where I reveal my heart and passion and yet don’t care about those who will think I am egotistical or over-ambitious. Spending time reading motivational and positive thinking books far more than I am reading the Bible. Using every ounce of my free time to sink into writing and reading, determined to pave a way for my artistic expression where there doesn’t seem to be one. Teaching my kids at home and living without a learning schedule, a curriculum or a set of state standards. Believing that while doing life together there will unfold ample opportunities for learning.

As I write all this out my mind is screaming, “What if you’re wrong?!” What if people are turned off by my attempt to be confident? What if God is displeased with how I’m spending my time or what I’m telling people when I’m writing or with my uneven balance of reading priorities. What if I’m screwing up my kids because some day they really will need to know when the Magna Carta was signed? What if I’m wrong?!

I see this man, this man who climbed out of the boat, this man who walked to Jesus on the water. I see that Jesus did not chastise him for his attempt at something big and ridiculous. He didn’t scold him for his selfish endeavor. He didn’t reprimand him for his lofty pursuits or outrageous desires.  And the man is actually able to walk on water in peace! It isn’t until he starts to second-guess his decision that he starts to have problems. I can just hear his thoughts, “Maybe this was a bad idea. I may have been wrong about this. What was I thinking?!” He doesn’t sink until he’s afraid of being wrong, at which point he can’t keep himself above water.

I am sunk not when I make outlandish decisions, but when I become too afraid that I’ve made or will make the wrong one. It’s when I second-guess myself that the waves crash in over my head and I can’t tell which way is up.

I realize from this story that God is pleased with outlandish faith, even if it may seem foolish, silly or small-minded. He’s just thrilled we’re getting out of the boat.

There’s one more thing I failed to mention. Jesus is already out walking on the water when the man spots him. The man asks Jesus if he can get out of the boat and come to him on the water. Jesus says, “Come.”

I think this is a beautiful picture of what God says to us about our desires. We question, “What about this desire God? Is this one okay to pursue?” He says, “Come ahead. I’m already outside the box you’re living in. I’m already out here living life to the full. Absolutely! Join me. I’ve been hoping you would!” I delight in thinking about a God that can’t wait to see what crazy, creative, passionate and risky endeavor we’re going to attempt next. We ask. He beckons. Come.

*Matthew 14:22-33

I’ll share the second story tomorrow.

Tagged as: Inspirational, motivational, self-help