Man is buffeted by circumstances so long as he believes himself to be the creature of outside conditions, but when he realizes that he is a creative power, and that he may command the hidden soil and seeds of his being out of which circumstances grow, he then becomes the rightful master of himself.
A man only begins to be a man when he ceases to whine and revile, and commences to search for the hidden justice which regulates his life. He ceases to accuse others as the cause of his condition, and builds himself up in strong and noble thoughts; ceases to kick against circumstances, but begins to use them as aids to his more rapid progress, and as a means of discovering the hidden powers and possibilities within himself.
- James Allen, As a Man Thinketh
I have a daughter who has a pretty unique personality. Things effect her in ways that don’t really make sense. Small things seem to get blown out of proportion and melt-down ensues. I was recently introduced to a book that would explain her behavior. At first I was very excited to read it because of the insight it might bring me to understand her. But upon some more thought, I’ve decided against reading the book. Here’s why, I don’t want to define her by a condition.
I think there is a difference between being aware of something and being defined by something. I can be aware that my daughter might be a little different than other kids, but I don’t want to begin assuming limitations are true about her just because a book tells me they are true.
I was thinking about The Secret Garden. There is a little boy in that story who is kept in bed because he is “sick.” His father, who lost his wife, is scared to death that he is going to lose his son too. He starts to invent this “condition” so that he can protect the boy. If he can just keep him locked up and in bed, attended to by nurses at all times, then he won’t lose him. The problem is the poor boy isn’t really living AND he begins to believe and live out the condition that has been prescribed him.
I recently reconnected with a college friend of mine only to find out she’s been battling cancer. Looking through her blog, I can see evidence to the fact that she did not let her condition define her life. She continued to live valiantly. She had plans to go to Austria. Those plans have not been altered; they were merely delayed.
Another friend of mine was pregnant and her water broke at 26 weeks. She stayed in the hospital for weeks as they fought to keep the baby safely inside her so he could grow. Her son was just born premature at 3 lbs. I see her and her husband’s fortitude and realize they are not defining their son by his condition. They are instead defining their own path for him, believing in so much more.
There is a tragedy when we become defined by our circumstances, our environment, our past and start to blame these things for how our life has to be. But what freedom can come from a refusal to let our condition define us. I am choosing to not let a book define for me the condition of my daughter. Instead, I want to see things in her that make her uniquely gifted to touch the world like none other.
We are not trapped by conditions. We are artists, creative thinkers and we use conditions to our benefit. We find a way out from under their blanket of despair.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow, I loved this. I too often have defined myself by my “condition” instead of allowing myself to see the possibilities. Thanks Mandy. I needed this.
I too needed that Mandy – thanks! Having two daughters who appear “normal” to the outside world, it is often easier to define them by what the Mild MR says they cannot do as to not expect too much or overwhelm them. I sometimes find that I inadvertantly limit them to limit their disappointment. . . that you for making me take another look.
Teri, read pg 111 – 113 here:
http://books.google.com/books?id=NA1vDgWzAsIC&pg=PA111&lpg=PA111&dq=george+campbell,+blind,+his+mother+helped&source=bl&ots=p92_wbqWC7&sig=rDwKa4bj4OEXFV5_vp4c3y06BGg&hl=en&ei=OSlcTMj_AYj2swOS_4HpDw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CBYQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q&f=false.
You’ll see a momma who helped her child overcome what everyone else was labeling his blind condition. What an amazing example of a mom!
Another inspiring post. I remember learning about condtional statements in school. They are the “if/then” statments found in math and logic. They deal with a hypothesis and a conclusion. To some people they are solid as bricks. But to creative people, they aren’t all-powerful. Our conditions,the “if” we are dealing with don’t have to lead to just one “then”. Poets and painters differ from the minds of logic and math in this regard. We learn how to create different conclusions, make new shapes, form new creations.
Wow………thanks for sharing this very important lesson in your life.
Amen, Mandy, Amen!!