The Good Life

(Written for a recent Scrap Girls Newsletter)

*Special Note – Nehemiah was on a dude date when pictures were taken.

—

I have a very blessed life. Truly, I do. Periodically I wake up to this fact, and I tell my husband, “Thank you for giving me the good life.” He laughs – I think because he thinks I’m kidding. But I’m not.

As much as I struggle at times with taking care of my four small children, teaching them, feeding them, playing with them, cleaning up after them, and cheering them on, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

I am in a very fortunate position. Since becoming a stay-at-home mom, I’ve had the time and space to do a lot of soul-searching. On a daily basis, it feels as though I don’t have any time to do just that, but as I look back over the last six-and-a-half years of motherhood, I cannot deny that I have been unfolding more and more into the person I have longed to become.

I have uncovered dreams that I had buried long ago. I have learned to call myself an Artist. I have had the chance to sift through countless mediums and see what I’m drawn to and what I don’t care much for. I have had the opportunity to do things like take naps, read books, journal, and dress how I want to dress. I have had the freedom to wrestle with my imperfections in a safe environment. And I have had my character tested as I grow and wiggle into this interesting role of motherhood.

My husband works, and works hard, so that I don’t have to work outside the home. It has not always played out this way in our lives, and it might not always be this way in the future, but for now, this is the season of life we are in. I feel so blessed to be given the freedom to make my days look however I want them to look. I homeschool my children and that gives us even more freedom to make our own schedule.

If I had been given the opportunity to pursue my passions from home, before having children, I am fairly certain I would have failed miserably. I wouldn’t have known how to organize my time. A completely open day to create? Why, that’s as intimidating as a blank canvas or a clean sheet of paper. I wouldn’t have known where to focus my energies or why those energies even mattered. I would have felt guiltier for not working a “real job” with “real benefits.” I would have gotten swallowed up by the potential of my passions.

Having children, and staying home, I have been eased into a life of “doing my own thing.” As the sand sifted and I began to make sense of who I was as a mom, I naturally began to look more deeply into what “my own thing” was. I felt a desire to have something for myself, something outside of and yet feeding into my children. I had less time for me, and therefore I learned to use the limited time as though it was gold. I became purposeful and focused and strategic in my time. I became creative in our time together. I found within me a deep well of creative energy that I had never known outside of motherhood. I have learned to fight against mundane days and empty motions. I have become a pursuer of beauty and dreams and magic.

I am not exempt from bad days. I have my fair share of messes and distractions and hiccups in my days. I do not always love the mommy that I am. I do sometimes daydream fondly for the days before four kids when I had more time for me. But I am aware of the fact that the Mandy then could not have done what the Mandy today is capable of. Motherhood has equipped me for my dreams, my kids have ignited a spark of childlike fire inside of me, and it continues to refine me.

When I hear of others who long for the chance to do their own thing, to follow their own dreams, and listen to their own hearts, I am reminded of the good life I lead. And I am grateful and inspired to do all the more with it.