Creative Blocks & Living to Failure

This morning I was faithful in rising early for my carved out writing time, but all I could seem to write about was how I can’t seem to write about what I need to be writing about. I am blocked towards fiction writing right now. I can’t seem to make myself write a short story or even a short paragraph about someone other than myself.  So I journaled about why I am scared to “go there.” What is holding me back?

I am partly overwhelmed by the greatness of other novelists. I enjoy mulling over their beautiful word choices and take for granted, as I’m reading them, that words must come easily. Then when I go to pick up my own pen, those great words sit on my shoulders and dare me to write something better or even comparable. I never can seem to.

I like writing, but I like it when it’s flowing naturally and coming freely and feels easy. Fiction writing does not feel easy right now. I’m scared to commit to something I’m going to have fumble and bumble my way through. I’ve stared this demon down before. Can you say IMPERFECTion?

I am reminded this morning of something Tony has told me in regards to lifting weights. You know you are getting a good workout in when you are lifting to the point of failure. You do enough reps until you find yourself physically unable to lift the weights another time. Your arms or legs get shaky. They throw their hands up and wearily admit defeat. It is through this process that our muscles break down. Then we rest them, giving them a chance to repair and heal. They become stronger through the failure.

What if I were to live my life this way? Much like lifting to the point of failure, what if I am living to the point of failure? What if growth is really only occurring in the times that I am writing to the point of imperfection. Sure, I can write endlessly about myself, but it comes easily at this point. Too easily. I’m never seeing shaky limbs. I’m never feeling winded. Could it be that I’m not pushing myself?

Instead of seeing failure in my fiction as a sign that I will never be good at it, what if I was able to see failure as the sign that I am getting better at it? Perhaps the creative block would dissipate if I would face the fear of my own failure and embrace the imperfect journey.

Are their areas of your life that you need to allow yourself the freedom to live to the point of failure?

Tagged as: artist, block, writing