Settling In

I’ve never been very good at settling. I have this quirky inability to let myself “set up camp.” I figure I will just be on the move again soon, so why waste energy getting settled?

I can remember being in college. It felt so silly to decorate a dorm room or apartment that I was only going to be in for a matter of months. It wasn’t really my home. It was just temporary. Sometimes I even had the silly habit of sleeping on top of my covers and sheets (with a blanket) so I didn’t have to mess up my made bed. I certainly wasn’t settling into college life with ease.

I can remember being in Colorado for my last semester of school. I was just months away from being married and I was so excited to just begin my life with Tony, and yet I was experiencing once in a lifetime moments at Focus on the Family Institute. I can so clearly remember my prayer to God, “You’re going to have to help me be ‘all here now’ because I can’t seem to do it, and I know I don’t want to miss out on these experiences by attempting to live in the future.”

Tony and I have lived in 9 homes in our 9 years of marriage. You can see the pattern and understand why the idea of settling in is foreign to me.

I think it’s ironic that this idea of settling in clicked with me a few weeks ago while on vacation in California. You see, I miss California. This will come as no surprise to many of you. It was a dear part of our family’s journey, where much spiritual growth and change and stretching occurred. So getting to return for a vacation was very exciting. I was determined to fully embrace those two-weeks, so I would then be ready to return to our home and life in Oklahoma.

When we arrived to the beach house that friends graciously allowed us to “borrow” for two-weeks, I went to work making it home. I unpacked our suitcases and hung up clothes. I put toiletries away in the bathrooms. I bought groceries and filled the refrigerator. I did a load of laundry. Though I knew our stay was temporary, I had the desire to be “all here now.” I was able, for a change, to stop be a turtle and carrying my shell around on my back. I set up camp, kicked my feet up, read a book. I settled in.

The settling in feeling only intensified as Tony bought roses for us. We filled a vase with water and placed the roses inside, brightening up the home and declaring it our own (if only for a short time).

What’s more, I begin to think about ways I could help us to better settle into our own home in Oklahoma. I begin to let go of not knowing when we’d need to move again and focus instead on the art of living in the present. Really setting up home. Really making it warm. Really making family life and relationships and activity thrive inside the home. Really living there with all 5 senses engaged.

If I must have a vagabond-type spirit about me, let it be that I’m a vagabond with the ability to settle in (if only temporarily.) To feel the carpet beneath my toes, smell fresh flowers, hear the laughter of kids fill a room, taste home-cooked food and see the beauty in routine and sameness.