Comments on: I Can’t Enjoy You, I’m Trying Too Hard to Be You.

By: mandy

mandy — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 13:39:06 +0000

Yeah, I’m really bad about saying if I can’t do it all the way I just won’t do it at all (in lots of areas of my life). Trying to work on that.

By: Katy

Katy — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 12:59:46 +0000

You hit it right on the nail. One of my “strengths” is achiever and I so struggle and battle with this…battle with wanting to either become them or to just stop creating at all because I’ll never be “good enough” which there isn’t ever a tangible line. So interesting about the definition of envy…didn’t know that or make that connection before, but it makes so much sense. Off to go ponder how I can let go of the I am not ___’s in my life.

By: I’ve Become Messy! | Messy Canvas

I’ve Become Messy! | Messy Canvas — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 14:50:33 +0000

[...] weave in and out of my other responsibilities. I have had to accept that my life cannot look like the lives of other artists I admire, many of which did not or do not carry the responsibility of raising four children or being [...]

By: Calling Me Out | Messy Canvas

Calling Me Out | Messy Canvas — Sun, 14 Aug 2011 13:05:37 +0000

[...] My word for this year is MESSY, and I can’t tell you how messy I feel when I step out of the comfort of words and start mixing my words with images and paint. A collaged hodge-podge emerges, and the inner-critic screams at me, “You’re making a mess of things. Why are you dabbling in things that have left you frustrated and comparing in the past?” [...]

By: Be yourself ~ without comparing « APU Life Together

Be yourself ~ without comparing « APU Life Together — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 06:41:24 +0000

[...] Here’s a good post from the blog Messy Canvas that hits on what it means to be yourself… [...]

By: We’ve Got It Backwards | Messy Canvas

We’ve Got It Backwards | Messy Canvas — Thu, 07 Oct 2010 13:36:03 +0000

[...] you show me the way? Will you give me the answer? Will you tell me the rules I need to play by? Here’s an example of how I’ve done this in my own [...]

By: Jhoan Tinoco

Jhoan Tinoco — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 17:18:28 +0000

I just had a terrible week thinking about that!!! thank you for sharing this I am so with you I have this struggle with imitation, there’s a thin line between be inspired by the artist and trying to BE the artist you feel inspired with . I want to hung up to that and really be me!!! in the way I am feeling it BELIEVE in my own strenght my own magic, my own life . God bless you for share this.

By: Link Lot

Link Lot — Mon, 03 May 2010 23:24:59 +0000

[...] This beautifully authentic artist’s essay, “I Can’t Enjoy You, I’m Trying Too Hard To Be You.” [...]

By: The Medium of Words | Messy Canvas

The Medium of Words | Messy Canvas — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 12:05:40 +0000

[...] been thinking over this a lot, especially after this post, and what I’ve come to find is that my favorite medium is words. I love the art of [...]

By: Alison

Alison — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 02:08:08 +0000

Great post Mandy – I love that you’re talking about this stuff!!

By: I’ve Never Done This Before

I’ve Never Done This Before — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 18:00:16 +0000

[...] was dealing with some discouragement and envy a week or so ago. Thanks to this post by blogger Mandy Steward which Shawn turned me onto. Which lead me to other bloggers she mentioned [...]

By: Next Level Artist | Messy Canvas

Next Level Artist | Messy Canvas — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 11:07:20 +0000

[...] And that of course was followed by a sort of identity crisis which you might remember from this post. Since then things have been percolating in me. If I’ve learned anything on my journey [...]

By: odd chick

odd chick — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 23:51:29 +0000

I want to copy this. I wished I had said it. I actually have thought it so many times but now, you put it into words and it touched me somewhere deep. Because it is me but I just couldn’t express it. Don’t you think that’s what we do with other artist. They express something in us that we don’t have the skill or the life experience or the .. (whatever) – we just don’t have it. But then they give it to us and want to claim it as our own because it was always there waiting for someone to show it to us. THanks for showing me what I needed to see in myself but couldn’t get out.

By: Erica

Erica — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 05:53:50 +0000

Yep yep yep.

By: mandy

mandy — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 21:56:43 +0000

Amber – I don’t think it’s just women, although we women can tend to be “catty.” I’m with you, trying to shift my focus. Be content with who I heard God telling me to be and in that contentment not falling into thinking I’m better than others. Back and forth. Searching for the balance. Tired of weebling and wobbling back and forth.

Justin – And thank you for your honesty. Yes, the “I am nots” were terribly hard to write. I don’t want people to know that I want to be someone else…especially not THOSE people. Now I don’t know that they read my blog anyway, but I did link to them, so they could have clicked back through to see who was pointing people to their blogs. At any rate, it’s humbling to admit and yet you are right, so healing at the same time. Healing to confess and move on. It’s a new day, and I’m a new creation. Let the old go, let the new come. Not that it won’t rear it’s ugly ahead again sometime, but each day is a new chance. Thank God. Glad for your comment and glad you’ll keep reading Messy Canvas.

By: Justin

Justin — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 21:49:28 +0000

Mandy,
Thanks for this post. Really good, very honest thoughts. It takes a lot of courage to name some of your “I am not’s.” I’m sitting here thinking that’s probably an important part of the healing/growing process. It’s scary to name those. It makes me think, “What if my fans/clients/friends see my inspiration and think less of me?” “What if they don’t think I’m as original and/or creative as they do now.” “If they see _____’s work/art, they might choose them instead.”

Competitiveness, (closely related to envy for me too), definitely steals my peace and joy. It’s ugly and it makes me all knotted-up inside. Maybe I need to publish a list of “I’m not’s?”

Thank you. I will definitely be following your blog.

By: Amber

Amber — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 16:16:29 +0000

Mandy, I think all women struggle with this in some capacity in their lives- whether it’s art, parenting, material possessions, etc. It’s such a stronghold that Satan has over us! It’s hard to be on both sides of the fence as Christians- a battle to not envy and a battle to try to not seek out others’ envy. I’ve totally been on both sides and man oh man is it hard to retreat from but I’m right there with you to. I’m guarding what I look at as well as my own words (especially in the online world) to not only not envy others but also not stir up envy in others’ hearts and trying to shift my focus. It’s a hard thing to do… :/ Thank you so much for pointing out the Message version of Galatians 6:4- how appropriate!!!! Love it!

By: Mandy

Mandy — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 17:12:58 +0000

Shalae – Isn’t it funny that it seems to take more effort to just be ourselves. That seems like it should be the easier route.

Vanessa and Roz – Thank you. I love to process thoughts with written words, and I love even more when others can relate to it. Makes it so worthwhile and fulfilling. So thanks for the encouragement.

Eden – I tell my kids this all the time. Who would do it Miah’s way or Charis’ way or Zoe’s way if they don’t? It applies to me as well.

By: Eden

Eden — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 12:14:59 +0000

This post speaks to me as well! But alas, the greatest form of flattery is imitation….but
balanced I guess.

A while back I posted something similar to this on my blog… It’s a quick read.
It’s the destruction nature of envy-
http://geeden.blogspot.com/2007/10/dennis-prager-happiness-hour.html

I love the work you do Mandy. But who would be you, when you’re
being Ali???

By: Roz

Roz — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 17:27:27 +0000

Awesome!

By: Vanessa

Vanessa — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 21:45:04 +0000

You are so awesome for putting this into words. Thank you.

By: Shalae

Shalae — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 12:30:46 +0000

I can so relate to this Mandy! It takes a lot of effort to just be me sometimes instead of like everyone else!

By: mandy

mandy — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 03:44:24 +0000

Daniel, Why are we like that? I’m so tired of being like that.

LeAnne, Good, I’m so glad you can relate. Blessings on your journey as well!

Abbi – Yes, a life-long war with several battles along the way…some of which we will win. Hopefully many that we will win.

Veronica – You’re welcome!

Evie – And here I thought you would never relate to this post. *sigh* of relief that you are in fact human as well.

Christina – Wow, I’ve never heard that about Picasso. I love that. The search for “your art” can be maddening, can’t it? And yet, it’s better I think to search than to just give up. So keep searching. You are wildly creative. I hope you can settle into something feels beautifully Christina-ish. I know you have it in you. (By the way, I WILL take pictures of the book you made me. I keep forgetting!)

By: christina

christina — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 05:22:19 +0000

I too struggle with this all the time, I feel that I haven’t found my art yet. I am a very good copyist, but what is it that I am too create? What will people imitate that I make? I remember from art class in college, the professor said that Pablo Picasso made a bull’s head out of bicycle parts and someone said of his art “I could make that” and Picasso said, ‘yes. but it would only be a copy of mine’. Sometimes, I just want one Picasso moment!:)

By: evie s.

evie s. — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 01:19:51 +0000

Gosh, I’m the same way and I really don’t like it! Sometimes, I have to MAKE myself stop looking. At other artists, other inspiration, etc. to really bring me back to what makes me unique and allow me to spur on my own creativity.