Several, if not all, the staff members at LifeChurch are fasting from something this month. While I do not feel it necessary to fast, since Tony is on staff there and I’m not, I have however decided to fast from something…media.
I’ve been journaling a lot about the overwhelming feeling I get as I interact with media. This does not include TV because rarely watch TV as it is. What it does include is social media, blogs and books.
I am not cutting all of these things out of my life completely. I have set up my own guidelines based on what I feel I’m addicted to or what I feel is making me overwhelmed, and I plan to stick to those for at least the month of January. Twitter and Facebook Apps have been removed from my phone. This is largely where I interact with them anyway. I don’t plan on reading anyones updates (sorry my friends) and I only hope to post updates of my own that relate to my blog. I don’t plan on reading blogs unless someone has specifically asked me to check something out for a purpose. I don’t plan on reading non-fiction books (unless they are craft/art books).
Here’s why I am sharing all this…
Because I’ve been overwhelmed. Overwhelmed at seeing the countless updates from hundreds and hundreds of people, many of whom are my friends. Overwhelmed at seeing all the needs, all the hurt, all the causes I could support, all the things in the world to worry about, all the people in the world who need rescuing. I’m overwhelmed at non-fiction books that help me to be a better me. I’m overwhelmed by striving to BE IT ALL. I can’t be it all. I can’t meet everyone’s needs, heal everyone’s hurts or compare myself to everyone’s successes. I have allowed my life to get exceedingly noisy, and I’m struggling to hear my own little voice beneath it all. I feel like God is telling me, “Stop trying to save the world Mandy. I already sent a Savior. You don’t have to feel all this guilt and pressure to do it for me.” What if I could stop feeling like people from all over the world needed me. What if I could have the faith that who they really need is God and that He is actually big enough for them.
I feel like God is asking me, for a time, to make my world smaller. To not be aware of the details of EVERYONE’S lives. To not be aware of the one more thing I need to change in my own life so I can finally “arrive.” To stop looking to everyone else for what I need to be doing and listen to what my heart is telling me.
I think this is part of being CHILDLIKE. Children don’t have access to the thousands of voices we do as adults. They hear but a few. They are able to still hear their own. They don’t spend their time worrying about who they could be helping or who they should be living like. They just do their day and take each moment as it comes. Oh for that simplicity. Oh to not be “in the know.” I’m so tired of being “in the know.”
Maybe I’ll do something weird during this fast like write letters or read fiction or stop staring at my phone every time I get a spare minute. Maybe I’ll have phone conversations or visit in person with friends. Maybe I’ll stop being swallowed up by guilt. Maybe I’ll hear God’s voice more clearly. Maybe I’ll even hear my own.
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I did something similar over the holidays. I decided to remove the distractions of social media while my kids were home from school, my husband was off from work, and we had time to just be a family in our own little world. The blizzard even helped because it forced us to stay in and just have fun together. The silence was so relieving, I’m not sure how I feel about it ending. Enjoy the peace and quiet!
As usual, good stuff, Mandy! I read your childlike post and instantly thought how it was such a cooler word than mine. (As if coolness is a factor in choosing a word.) Anyway, this post makes me think of my reasons for choosing balance as a word. I completely relate to thinking that there is so much that needs to be done in the world and so many hurts and so much I “should” be doing. I’m excited to hear how God uses this time for you and how it relates to my own journey for the year.
I’m glad to hear it’s a rewarding thing to give up Anya, because I’m not going to lie, it’s hard. Hard to give up being “in the know” even when we want to. And hard to give up that addiction of comparison. I told Tony the other night, what do I do with my time now that I don’t know what other people are doing? How am I supposed to know who to keep up with or who needs me. Sad, sin’t it?
Cori – Here are two of my favorite verses right now in regards to comparing myself with others. “Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.” Galatians 6:4-5. You didn’t choose “childlike” because that’s not the word God knew you needed right now. This does not mean you can’t learn from the word “childlike,” it just means what you learn will relate back to you personally, will relate back to “balance,” will relate back to your life and where God has you. I pray we both will be able to discover our own “coolness” firmly planted in us by our Creator. I can’t tell you how many times in my life I have felt uncool. Too many to count. Pretty much my whole semester at Focus was that way. I’m not settling anymore for uncool. Who defines coolness anyway? Give me a break. We are as cool as our Creator says we are…infinitely cool. I’m fighting to believe it.
You are always teaching me something. Thank you for this post.
What a great idea! I know you will still want to do service, so why not keep it confined to your town, even your neighborhood–go local. What will make your place better, and therefore your life and all those people and animals and plants, etc actually physically tied in with you?
Nicole – I’m always learning from you as well.
Karen – I’m really having to pull back from thinking about service right now, at least trying to drum up ways to serve. I just have too much guilt and comparison and pressure that I’m battling and so a lot of my service wouldn’t be from the right motives. Instead I’m asking God, “Please reveal to me ways I can love on others right in the context of my day as it plays out naturally.” Does that make sense?
This is amazing. Thanks, again, for sharing your heart with us!
Mandy, it totally makes sense and that is what I mean about local service. Not trying to send clothes to Africa, etc but just help your neighbors and your own community as it arises. (and you might need a break from all of it for a while) If someone down the street had a surgery, bring a casserole! Or if a Target is being built that will put the entire downtown where you and your kids enjoy walking out of business, then attend a meeting to say your opinion! Don’t stay quiet, it’s a great example for the kids to see natural acts of helping and not just helping people thrive but helping your place thrive. Of course, don’t make it a full time job–you are a mother after all!
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