I ran upstairs to write this blog post right now. You see, I’ve been on this hunt for joy, in my own life as well as for the main character in the novel I’m writing. Funny how the two of us are living parallel lives.
Lately I’ve noticed how little my family has been smiling or laughing. There are tiny pockets of it here or there throughout the day, but for the most part we’re forcing our way through with furrowed brows and crossed arms. It feels stuck in my spirit and it seems stuck in my kids. I awoke yesterday morning before everyone and I prayed for joy. I opened my Bible and found this verse. Be joyful always. How can we be God? We can’t do it without you. I thought about one of the fruits of the Spirit being joy. How can we have joy Holy Spirit? Not without you. So I begged and pleaded on my knees for us, give us joy. Please give us joy.
Yesterday afternoon Zoe and I were going round and round about something. I felt like we were fighting like children. “No you didn’t!” “Yes I did!” “No you didn’t!” “Yes I did!” I happened to have a maraca in my hand at the time, and out of anger I pitched it across the room (I don’t think I ever threw things before I had kids. Ha!) Anyway, you would think that would have all made us burst into laughter. But it didn’t. See how far gone we are? No joy, I’m telling you. Instead it scared my kids and made me feel guilty. I forced us all onto my bed and initiated a tickle fight, but sometimes you just can’t force joy…not in your own power anyway.
“I’m sorry guys. I can’t make us have joy. We need God’s help. We need the Holy Spirit to be joyful through us. I can’t fix us even though I want to.”
I think they understood. Or they pretended to so I wouldn’t throw another maraca.
Today I prayed the same prayer. Joy. Give me joy for my kids and help us look to you for help. We can’t do this on our own. I read this verse, given to me the night before by my friend Teresa in our online LifeGroup. Not in my strength, help me hear Your voice.
We purchased the movie “Up” today as a present from my mom. It’s a movie we hadn’t seen yet. As we were fumbling through the start of our day, and as I was continuing to break up fights and see next to no smiles, I was struck inside by what I believed to be a whisper from the Holy Spirit.
“Watch the movie,” I believe He said to me.
But we haven’t done any learning today. We’ve been cooking all morning and doing exercise and wiping runny noses.
“Watch the movie” I sensed Him saying.
“We have to eat lunch still. And if they watch the movie now we’ll be totally off schedule for the whole day. And they’ll think we’re just going to sit around and watch movies everyday. I can’t let them think that. And their toys are out all over the house. We need to clean up first.”
“Watch the movie,” I felt Him saying, and a peace washed over me.
“Of course,” I said. It suddenly made so much sense. “Joy.”
I made a fun lunch of popcorn and oranges and bananas and water bottles. We moved the couch and made a movie theater of our living room. We smiled and they cheered and as they started the movie I ran upstairs, to write this blog post. I know, I know, I should be watching it with them. Maybe we’ll just have to watch it a second time tonite! But I had to get this off my chest. I had to tell you that I was going about it all wrong. Forcing joy. And the Spirit was faithful in hearing my pleas for it and meeting me right at my point of weakness. Of course I had to sacrifice my schedule, my plans, my control, my desire to push through and come up with the right answer in a logical conclusion that I came to in my own power. Can you believe I really thought I was going to find joy without doing anything fun or happy in our schedule. How stupid that I was going to power us into joy by doing the “right” things.
But He knew that wasn’t what I needed. I didn’t need me or my IMPERFECT answers. I needed Him.
I think we’ll still be working on breaking the chains of gloom and anger that have been trying to bind us as of late in the Steward household, but I have peace knowing He will provide solutions. He will lead us out of this valley.
Today, we found our joy.
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
I love how HE will speak to us thought little things like a movie=)
I love this. I needed this. Thanks.
You brought tears to my eyes as I could see so much of myself and my family in this. We have been there many times and I have tried to do all the “right” things, but sometimes we just have to listen to that still small voice that seems to be saying something so totally off the wall! Thanks for the reminder….
Love it! I’ve had similar revelations lately just with the words “yes” and “no”. I was raised in a “no” house. Every idea I had as a kid got shot down whether it was building a fort out of a couch or whether it was buying a real live monkey…haha, I know. So I’ve simply been trying to evaluate my answers before giving them- like when I’m inclined to say “no” to something I’ll ask myself why not? Is it dangerous or is it something I just don’t want to have to help build/clean-up, etc. And I’ve found that those times when I can allow myself to say “yes” (with balance of course)- that it opens such a big door or joy for my children and then me in turn. Hm, I should blog this. Haven’t even thought about it in detail until just now! Haha! Hoping you have a joyful rest of your day!
Amazing post.
Oh watch it for sure! Joy is certainly one of the emotions I felt watching it. It’s my number one favorite Pixar ever.
Wow. Listening to Him always works. Wonder why we fight it so much? You are awesome.
ps…Nehemiah sad is breaking my heart, but Luther mad is kinda making me laugh. Don’t tell him.
I once read a long time ago that joy is a decision, not a feeling we just “happen” to feel. In our family, if someone was acting gloomy or negative (as young as age 2), I would tell them to go to their room to “find” their joy. Sometimes they found it quickly and other times it took a while! They never questioned me, they simply thought it was something they needed to locate and they always came out smiling.
Now, at 14, 12 and 10, I rarely have to tell them to, even though we’ve hit the teen years! Side note: I, on the other hand, was not trained so well, and frequently have to find it myself. They have earned the right to gently remind me to do so, and it works.
Yay for you guys!! Maybe I can impart some joy with a bag of goodies that I’m sending to work with Ryan for Tony. (I can come by of course, if I’m invited).
Maybe it will inspire some joyful activities because it will be free and new to you!
Alison – You are always welcome to come by! We’d love a visit anytime. Well, as long as you call first. Ha!
Deleise – I know. The Luther face kind of cracks me up. I’m not telling.
Wendy – Thanks so much for that insight. I appreciate your input as you are further along in the journey than I am, and so you’re probably seeing fruit I don’t see yet. I think while joy is a choice, it’s a choice we sometimes just can’t make unless we ask God to enable us to make it. Joy rarely seems to come in my own power.
Amber – I love when reading someone else’s writing inspires my own. That’s how it should be. Take your own meaning from it and go share your own story. I love that!
Thank you to everyone else for commenting. I’m glad you have seen God move in your own life in such a way and/or I’m glad this was helpful to remind you that God is available to helps us find joy.
God please help us to allow your Spirit to move freely through us. Please give us joy in our homes. Let it overflow out into our friendships and interactions with others. Please don’t let us inhibit joy by trying to force it in our own power. We want what You have for us, even if we aren’t quite sure how to accept it, even if it feels awkward or uncomfortable or like we’re giving up control. Still we choose your way, your Spirit, your joy! Amen.