Redefinition

I am intrigued by the very idea of redefinition.

I feel as though I’ve been redefining myself for most of my life. As soon as I figure out one thing about myself, I embark on some new adventure, critiquing who I am and who I am meant to be and who I have yet to become.

I realize there can be a pretty fine line between redefining and posing. Let me share how I think they differ.

Posing is pretending you are something you are not meant to be. It’s full of falsehoods and masks and it’s fake. Posing is feeling forced to be something you are not in order to please others. Redefining is figuring out who you really are in an effort to live at peace with yourself and with who God has created you to be.

• We redefine ourselves when we take an assessment of our life and figure out if we’re doing the best we possibly can at living.
• We redefine ourselves when we allow change into our life, sometimes so big that it seems you are a completely different person in an instant and other times so small that not even your closest friend can notice, but change nonetheless.
• We redefine ourselves when we pay attention to what our heart is telling us and believe we already are (in Christ) who we so desperately long to be.
• We redefine ourselves when we quit bemoaning the fact that this is how it will always be because this is how it always has been. Instead we say, “Enough is enough. I am a new creation.”

• We redefine ourselves when we rip off the labels others have put on us that just don’t apply and walk around confidently with the knowledge of who God says we are.
• We redefine ourselves when we start to believe the things we hate about our life are things that we can actually radically change.
• We redefine ourselves year by year, month by month, week by week, day by day, even moment by moment. Read this great quote by Natalie Goldberg:

Watch yourself. Every minute we change. It is a great opportunity. At any point, we can step out of our frozen selves and our ideas and begin fresh.

• We redefine ourselves when we allow ourselves a fresh start. It is through grace we are set free. It is through grace we can begin again…and again…and again.

One thing I’ve learned with redefinition, is sometimes you have to force yourself to do what feels unnatural until it becomes natural. It can feel like you are playing a glorified game of pretend. This is because your tendency will be to second-guess and belittle yourself. But if you have a clear sense from God, and from close friends, that you are truly seeking to be true to yourself, then you’ll know in your heart of hearts that you are not posing, but redefining. In this case the “pretending” is not really pretending at all. Instead it’s retraining yourself to be who you really are. It’s putting an end to the agreements you have made with Satan about who you are. He feeds you lies, you know? He’s the Father of lies.

So your thought process might go something like this: I want to believe I’m beautiful, but just look at myself. I wear frumpy clothes. I’m out of shape. Why even bother to exercise anyway? I’ll never catch up to so and so (insert name of woman that you compare yourself to) in my fitness. I don’t have time to do my hair or wear make up or any of those things I think would be fun to do. I’m a mom now. Moms don’t have time for such frivolous things.

And in redefining yourself your thought process could start with something as simple as this: I think I’ll wear this pretty dress at the back of my closet today, just because I love it. I don’t have anywhere special to go today, but I just love how that dress makes me feel. And I’ll get up a few minutes earlier or ask my husband for help with the kids so I can do my hair and make up. I love having my fingernails painted. Why not do that? And you know? I feel better when I exercise. I think I’ll plan out a workout program that starts small for me, maybe I’ll even start today with a walk with my kids.

Redefinition can begin small. It can begin in our self-talk. It can begin by pretending you already who God has called you to be. What would your life look like? What would you wear? Who would your friends be? Where would you live? What would you read? How would you spend your free time? What would your family life look like? How would you treat yourself? How would you treat others? You may be surprised all you could put into action right away if you just would let yourself.

I’ve been on a journey of redefinition, specifically over the past 3 years. Through that journey I have learned to:

• dress differently, like wearing heels for instance
• wear makeup for fun

• wear big funky earrings and sunglasses and ribbons in my hair if i so choose
• have grace with myself and grace with others
• say no to some good things so I can…
• say yes to the even greater things

• follow my husband’s lead
• get my nose pierced
• call myself an artist (this has been HUGE in my life)
• try something different
• make friends
• be a teacher
• feel FREE

• seek help when I need it
• embrace IMPERFECTion
• give up control
• love on my kids & swoon over my husband
• take risks
• and the list goes on.

The list will always go on, because I am in a constant state of redefinition…

how glorious that we are given in every moment the chance to begin fresh.