What’s My Motivation?

I suppose this is a follow-up post to another post written back in April. At that time, I was dealing with the results of God telling me no about chasing down some creative dreams. I have not stopped wrestling with God on this matter. I have humbly sought Him out, and my journal is evidence of this. Lots of talking about art and my heart and my role as a mom and a wife and how the heck those are supposed to all intertwine. Lots of talks with my husband. Lots of searching.

I finally, two months later, got a little clarity on the matter.

Here’s what I wrote down in my journal when I had an “ah-ha” moment from God:

It’s not that you can’t have it – it’s what is your motivation for wanting it?

God has revealed a lot to me about my motivations for my art. Motivations of popularity, money, praise, to name a few. He’s also revealed to me that my misplaced motivations were causing me to put my art before my family. Definitely out-of-whack priorities.

God wasn’t trying to take art away from me, which is what it felt like at the time. Rather He wanted me to realize my artistic abilities come from Him. They are a gift. To use them with a misplaced motivation would only leave me feeling empty. If I am going to create, I need to do so because it is a natural out pouring of who He created me to be and I must acknowledge my creativity flows directly from Him. I must do it out of joy because I can’t help myself. I must do it as an offering back to Him. To please Him rather than to please man.

I am convicted that my artistic pursuits should add to, not take away from my family. We should pursue art and creativity together, rather than having it be Mandy doing her thing while everyone else suffers because of Mandy’s pursuit. If my artistic pursuits leave me feeling stressed and hurried then that will reflect itself in my home, and I refuse to let that downhill spiral occur again in my life. Been there. Done that.

It’s a dance, this artist/mom/wife combination. Daily I hope to allow God to teach me the fluid, elegant movement He intends for me. My IMPERFECTions in this dance only make me cling to Him all the more. Tell me who I am God. Show me who You want me to be. Allow me to live my art out in everyday life, so that you are praised by my creating. Help me to know when it is fear or guilt or approval holding me back from my dreams or when it is You, desiring to show me a better way.

I’ve done two things in the last week that have been on my dream list forever. I had to have some hand-holding and coaching from my husband and from a friend and reading this blog post on IMPERFECTion helped a lot too. But it feels good to be leaning into my dreams instead of running from them. Here’s what I did:

1. Submitted my blog to Stampington’s Artful Blogging Magazine.

2. Opened an Etsy shop. www.messycanvas.etsy.com

Time to revamp my dream lists and keep plugging away. There is no rush. Just live out each day artfully, one day at a time.

God, what would you have me make today?