Pretend you aren’t reading this post right now. Pretend you came to my blog and instead all you saw here were the other two posts I’ve made today. The post with a picture of my sweet 5 yr old and 2 month old, and the post about homeschooling and learning the months of the year. Would this give you an accurate picture of my day? Of my life?
I’ve been in some amazing conversations lately (oh man, if you are a mom, you’ve gotta let me know that you want in on the Angry Homemade Noodles Facebook Group because it is rockin’ with discussion and wisdom and women just flat out bearing their soul and encouraging one another). One of the things we’ve been talking about is comparing your life to someone else’s, and specifically to other moms. It seems like a lot of women, me included, do this through reading other blogs. They see snippets of the lives of other moms and they begin to paint a picture of perfection that is impossible to live up to.
I just wanted to use my blog today as a case study. If I hadn’t posted this post, you might have had a completely different picture of my day. And if your new to my blog, perhaps even a different picture of my life. This is what my blog didn’t show today. Consider this a behind the scenes look:
My 2 month old had a doctor appointment today and my husband scheduled a lunch date at the same time. AND we only have one car.
I tried canceling the doctor’s appointment, only to find I was calling too early and the doctor’s office wasn’t open yet.
My husband says he’ll try and find a ride for his lunch date, so I drive him to work so I can have the car. (This is only after a hectic morning with lots of disobedience from a certain 2.5 yr old who wouldn’t get his shoes and socks on and who ended up getting spanked leaving everyone in a foul mood.)
Then my daughters repeat the same phrase in the car over and over and over again until I want to pull my hair out and then there was yelling in the car to tell them to be quiet. And then they started fighting with each other over who got who in trouble.)
A quick trip to the grocery store by myself with four kids. Survived it. Feeling kind of proud of myself. Too proud.
Go home to unload groceries and feed and change 2 month old. Get shoes and coats and all that jazz back on again (cue yelling because why did everyone take their shoes off when they knew we are going to be leaving again?!) and then rush to get to doctor.
Get out of the car only to find that my 4 yr old didn’t wear a coat and has short sleeves on. Hello! We do not live in California anymore. She wraps up in a baby blanket and pretends to be some sort of super hero with a cape.
Successfully make it into the doctor’s office and feeling proud of my 3 kids as they go and have a seat quietly in the waiting room while I check-in. ONLY TO FIND OUT THAT THEY WON’T SEE ME BECAUSE I AM FIFTEEN MINUTES LATE FOR MY APPOINTMENT.
“Would you like to reschedule your appointment right now Mrs. Steward?”
“Sure,” I say, and then I totally break down into sobbing and manage to squeak out “I’ll just call and reschedule. I need to go.” (And all I can think in my head is do you know how hard our morning has been, and how proud I was that I got here at all? And do you know that the last time I was in your doctor’s office my kids and I waited 2 hours to see the doctor and that ended up being your fault, and you can’t give me grace for being late 15 minutes.)
And then I try to take Tony the car, clear on the other side of town, because we don’t need it now right? And he won’t pick up his phone because, apparently he was in a meeting. Ugh.
So I drive back home, with my kids crying too because mom is crying.
And that was all before lunch.
My life is certainly not perfect. I am an IMPERFECT being trying to do the best I can. I do enjoy documenting beauty. I love photography and I love to write, and I often think of a blog post as a piece of artwork in and of itself. So there are many days that I aim to inspire and share my creativity via my blog. But don’t be mistaken of the person you find here. She has her flaws as well. Just because you don’t see the crumbs under the kitchen table in my photograph doesn’t mean they’re not there. It just means I, on most days, am doing my best to look past the hard stuff in this life to cling to the something beautiful.
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
Mandy, I really hardly know you, but I love you. Thank you!!!
Sweet friend, I am so sorry that you went through this today. Next time please call me and let me watch the the kids so you can take that baby by yourself=)
Such wisdom! Thanks for being transparent.
I feel like maybe one of the reasons God gives us beauty (beauty in anything- nature, our children, art, etc) is to help us get through the stressful moments. As if to remind us that He’s still present.
Praise God that each day is a new day and we can start fresh. Praying for your new day today!
Love you, friend!
All I can say is I’m guilty, remember that “stocking feet” blog post I made…..we’ll lets just say I left out some of the story…..it’s ugly. I’m inspired to let my blog posts represent my life for what it is at any given moment….IMPERFECT! You never know how much your going to help yourself and maybe someone else by being true to yourself and your life. Thank you once again!
Blessings,
Launa
Yes, beauty is the thing to write about and document. To take photos. Beautiful photos. But you know what? There’s beauty in the truth. The simplistic truth of imperfection. Of who we really are. And this post spoke volumes to me. I’m trying so hard to just be me. Who I am. I can’t compare myself to others like I have been doing. I’m working towards freedom of self. And comparing myself to others (through blogs) is what I’ve always done. And actually when I was a SG designer, I struggled with that issue more than ever before. Wasn’t good enough. Happy to have left SG so I didn’t have to torture myself anymore that I actually wasn’t worthy. It’s lies but that’s how it worked for me.
I totally get this post and applaud you for sharing so much of yourself. Your imperfections. It’s actually beautiful and inspirational. *hugs*
Awe
Wow- that is stressful. So sorry to hear about your day. Hope today is much better. Please let me know if I can drive you somewhere or hang out with the kiddos, ok? Love ya!
Ah, girl. I can so remember many a day like this. What is it with kids and their shoes? Hang in there….and do what Nicole said. Get some help for days like this….I know it takes more planning, but the peace will be worth it. I’m praying for a more relaxed day for you today:)
Um…did you just say you went to the grocery store with all of those kids? I don’t even do that very often and you KNOW how old my kids are! You are ambitious, my friend!
Yes, a while back I posted pictures of my house in complete disaray, just because. Usually if you are inspired to post, it is because you have something cool that you want to share. I guess we normally don’t really want to rehash stuff we would rather forget. So that leaves everyone with snippets of a lot more good than bad. Such a great point.
I am praying right now for an amazing, peaceful, sweet day today.
For you, I meant, an amazing, peaceful sweet day for you.
Wow, Mandy, that was so open and honest. I have had those days, but like you said we forget to document them because we want to focus on the beautiful and inspiring. But hey, girl, this was inspiring for me. With a 6, 5 8 month old and an 8 week old puppy life can get pretty hectic around here too. I find your transparency so refreshing. I don’t have much on my blog, but I will aim to show the bad with the good in order to let others know that it isn’t all “beautiful” but there is beauty in the midst of the mess!
I’ve never heard of pediatrician’s penalizing you for being 15 minutes late! You are so gracious in just leaving without any harsh words. I would have done the complete opposite. Even in your tough day, you were a witness to many in that room and in the grocery store, I’m sure of it. I wish I could say the same for my rough days.
Oh Mandy, I’ve been there, done that (way too many times). Picture 3 kids and a dog in the backseats of our van last night while we drove in to town — in the snow and awful cold only to get to the store to find out that your 6 year old has taken off his shoes! You’d think he’d get the point that he shouldn’t do that. He didn’t. When we got home, they were off again and the coat!
During those time, as hard as it may be, I try to remember how sweet and beautiful they CAN be. It can be really hard some days. . .
Thank you for your honesty – you truly are not alone. As always, you will be in my prayers;)
I can totally relate with you! Thanks for sharing your heart and being so vulnerable. May God bless your socks off for such honesty with us!
hi mandy,
i got the recommendation to check out your blog from a friend who got a recommendation the same way. i have been loving you creativity, your insight and this post! i am always battling this overwhelming “your not doing enough” voice in my head. and i feed it by seeing other women’s lives (through blogs, lots of times) and thinking “how do they do it all?” and i drive myself crazy. i have to admit i did it the first time i saw your blog! i thought to myself, this woman has four kids, has time to be creative on her own and with her children and can still find time to bake a pie! instead of being inspired by your gifts, i got down on myself. totally embarrassing but totally true.
anyway, from afar and from a stranger, i appreciate your gifts and want to encourage you on the good mommyness that you bring to the universe. you do bring it!
love,
blythe fike, CA
My dearest Mandy,
I realize the day in and of itself was not funny, but i found myself smiling to myself as i read it and thought of the countless times i have ventured pretty much everywhere with all of my children. And i appreciate as always, your honesty. I especially liked the part where you were scolding your children for taking their shoes off. I have done that sooooo many times! (which is more ironic because the rule in our house is to take your shoes off as soon as you walk in the door since we live on a farm-lots of dirt).
But what i also want to share is katie paige’s response. she came back to talk to me while i was reading. so i showed her the picture of luther and zoie (sp?). and then i showed her your picture. she said, “Where is her daddy?” i thought that was a great question. I asked her why she thought you might need your daddy. She said we all need our daddy. And if you consider it in a spiritual realm, she is so very true. We do. i cannot live without him every day, especially those days.
i love you dearly, Mandy. Please take care my good friend.
Lesa
Lesa – Thank you for that insight from Katie Pagie. So true, so true. I was not in tune with my “daddy” that day hardly at all.
Nicole – Thanks for the offer to watch my kids. Of course I would do the same for you if you ever need it.
To everyone, thanks for the prayers for my new day. It was MUCH better. And I drew a deep sigh of relief to hear so many of you empathizing with my day. I’m going to break this angry cycle yet I tell ya!
i just now read these posts and am just so sorry we have days like this! I had a similar doctor event and have cried in public and felt like I was insane! I noticed the babysitting offers. Do you think you will call those people when you need them? I never do because I always think “they are probably too busy”, or “they wouldn’t really want to take this on–especially with short notice” or even “I don’t want them to know how overwhelmed I really am!”. One day I was so at the end of my rope that I actually did make a call and asked a friend who had offered to babysit if she could take the baby for a walk. She was so happy to do it and had a great time and I had a much needed hour off. We had a nice talk afterwards catching up too. We really need help from others to raise kids. This “modern” world we live in is the only culture ever to be so isolated in its child raising. It is so hard to ask for help though because it feels like we are saying we can’t do it and we are supposed to be able to do it ourselves. What a situation.
I ran across this the other day and I was trying to think of it last Monday when you said something like it at the AHN chat.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anais Nin
Blossoming is GOOD!