Being authentic.

I’m at Blog World. It’s very random circumstances that have me here this week. Very random. But what I’ve taken from the day is a truth I’ve already found valuable…be authentic. (You can find this truth echoed at Your Actual.) Be authentic: When you write. When you create. When you live. And in this case, when you blog.

So I’m applying that truth to my own life, and am stepping out into the blogosphere with a piece of the real me.

On Monday my husband and I went in for an ultrasound to find that what should have been a 10-week-old fetus was actually a baby that had never developed properly. In other words, a miscarriage. It was shocking. It was sad. It still is. But you know what? We’re walking through it. And I’m learning a lot about being authentic and the growth and support that can come from that.

I’ve been authentic with myself. Letting myself cry when I need to cry. Letting myself rest when I need to rest. Letting myself be real with the feelings that are hitting me as they hit me.

I’ve been authentic with my work. I’ve let people know that I need some time. I’ve delegated things and other things I’ve just put on hold. I’m lucky to have great people that I work with who understand the need for recouping and healing and time away.

I’ve been authentic with my friends. I am amazed by the strength that comes from the phone calls, the emails, the hugs, the kind words from friends and family of mine all over the world. But in order to get that strength and support, I had to share my pain. I had to be authentic about my weakness. Thank you Angela for telling me to “go ahead, and just be weak.” For someone that tries to be so strong so often, it’s been quite a relief to admit my weakness at this time and lean on others’ strength.

I’ve been authentic with God. Why would you let this happen, and especially when it was such a step of faith for us to get pregnant again anyway? That’s what I say when I’m mad. And when I feel peace, I thank Him, for being with me, for loving me, for giving me hope, and for letting me grow, even when it hurts.

I’ve been authentic with my husband. I’ve been fortunate (Thank you Josh and family!) to be able to get away with my husband and have time with him. To talk, to think, to just be. And it’s been so good to just be by his side at this time, and to be able to process our life and the crazy ride it has been.

And now, I’m being authentic with you. Because I believe in the unity of humanity. Because I believe that there are undoubtedly other people out there that are experiencing pain and need to be encouraged to go ahead and be authentic. And because, quite honestly, it is comforting to read your comments and know that life really will be okay, and/or I am not alone.

I know it is true that time can heal…but when you can’t wait on time, I’m finding there is great healing in authenticity.